I wanna be just like you

I recently sat down with Cindy and made the following statement – “I’m becoming more like my dad each and every day”.

 

The problem with that statement – I DO NOT WANT TO BE LIKE MY DAD.

 

Before anyone passes judgement on me you must first understand why I make this statement.  Walk a mile in my shoes, the phrase goes, and you’ll understand why it is pertinent in the following discussion.

I have recently noticed that my attitude and response in anger towards simple things and events reminded me of my Dad.  I don’t have red hair (or used to) for nothing – it seems the anger is manifesting itself through my actions.

In retrospect, I had a great Dad growing up – in terms of providing for his family.  My family had everything we needed  – my brother and I even had TVs in our rooms back when some homes only had 1 or 2.  We were very fortunate in the things we had and how our parents provided for us.  But with this provision also came the understanding that my Dad had to find work to provide for us, which was mainly out of town.  He spent less and less time with us – and seemed to react to us differently.  It seemed we could never please him or solicit his approval in what we were doing.  My mom was the one who took the time with us and supported us in everything we did.

This all came to a head when my parents divorced in my senior year of high school.  My dad split and had a new family and we were left to pick up the pieces.  My mom has always been a rock to me in my life – and I saw how she handled these events with true humility and compassion.  She never said a cross word towards my father in front of my brother and I, even though all circumstances in the divorce was due to his sinful actions.  She did this so my brother and I would not respond in a negative way towards our father.

I tried in the first few years to mend ways with my father.  I would take off and spend a few days with him and his new family.  But each and every time when I tried to establish contact the first meeting or two would be fine but once I would leave and I couldn’t be back in a few days my dad would accuse me failing to forgive him for the divorce.  It was really tiring on me – because I felt I had bent over backwards to try and please him.

In 1995 my mother was introduced to a gentleman, Clarence, who had recently lost his first wife to cancer.  After a whirlwind dating period of less than one month they were engaged and married in April 1996.  Over the course of the past 12 years I have learned 10x more from Clarence about how to be a husband and love your wife than I ever did from my father.  Clarence has given my mother the kind of love she has deserved – and I am grateful to him for this.

Later in 1996 I was introduced to my wife and we dated and became engaged to be married.  When I went to share the good news with my father he instead replied that I was trying to have an instant family.  I ignored the comment and even had my father stand as my Best Man at our 1997 wedding.

Unfortunately, I learned that my father hadn’t changed his ways about a year into our marriage.  Cindy and I had learned that we were expecting Brayden.  I had not spoken to my father in a couple months at the time and had not informed him of our good news yet.  He called for me one afternoon and got Cindy on the phone.  He then took the time to unleash his frustration on Cindy.  I have learned one thing in my life and that is this – there are 2 people in my life you don’t unleash on: my mother and my wife.  My father’s tirade upset my wife and I broke off all relations with my father.  I have not spoken to my father in the last 10 years.

Are there days I regret this and seek to contact him?  Most every day I do.  I long to see my father accept me as I am today and to see his 2 grandsons, who have never known their grandfather, and my daughter, who he last saw over 10 years ago.  I think about it often in hopes I will one day hear the words from my father “Well done Son”.

So, in these days, I do not want to be like my father.  I want to be the father who is always there for my kids – even if I can not provide the best for them.  I want to be the father who calms and sooths, yet disciplines and corrects my children in hope they grow up to be the best they can be for God and my family.

I want my kids to want to grow up to be like me - a father who strives to be more like Christ each and every day.

God Bless, Sam.

A Family Decision

Allow me to share my heart and then a decision that Cindy and I have made for our family for the near future.

 

Over the course of the last year my eyes have been opened to ministry to families, not just children.  During my brief stay at Pine Grove I experienced parents who were more concerned that there was a Children’s Church than they were with what their children were learning in Children’s Church.  The ones who sought out a change to impact the children were the Children’s Church workers themselves.  Even now, in our Awana ministry, I am seeing some of our kids who have not studied their handbooks during the week and seemingly parents who don’t care or express concern about this fact. 

 

The problem that I see with ministries to Children and Youth in today’s churches is the apparent lack of involvement from and to parents.  The church has assumed the role of nurturers concerning the spiritual well-being of each child and the parent is just there to drop off and pick up their child.  We must realize that the biblical responsibility for the spiritual training of children and youth falls on the parents, not the church.  The church has many important roles and functions – but in terms of children the church’s role is only to partner with parents in this endeavor, helping to train parents to assume their right place.

 

This mindset does not come from bitterness or anger towards parents but yet out of love for parents so they can recognize and assume their role – to not let the church steal the joy and satisfaction of ministering to their own children.

 

Ministering to my family has been an important concern of mine for a long time.  My decision to return to school in September 2005 and resign from staff was mostly due to the stress I knew would come on my family if I tried to continue with work, church, home, and school.  Even though it surprised and probably upset many it was done for the best intentions for my family and my ministry.  I believe that if I cannot minister to my own family then I have no right to try and minister to anyone else.  This falls under the biblical standard that a man must rule his house well.

 

Cindy and I have, over the past few weeks, sat down and prayed about the direction of our family.  We have concerns about the time put on some things and the time not placed on family worship.  To be honest, we have been very lax in having family time whether it is devotions, scripture reading, or simply prayer time.  This failure falls right back on our shoulders as parents.  Simply doing church has not served our family well in the past in terms of training our children.

 

Over the next few weeks and months we have decided to spend more time at home and bring our family back to where it needs to be in terms of a home that truly serves God.  This means there will be times that we are not at church – and I wanted to let you know so you are not alarmed.  We fully understand the role of church in our lives but we feel this is a step we need to take as a family to strengthen our ties and bonds to each other and, more importantly, God.

 

We ask for your prayers and support during this time.  I know many will question this decision and place doubt about why it was made but I simply ask that you respect it.  We look forward to ministering with each of you in the future.

 

God Bless, Sam.

To be or To do: That is the Question – Thoughts on Worship

In my Organized Church ponderings I issued the following statement: 

I am tired…..of seeing people plop themselves down in church and seemingly state in their actions “Please Me”.  Where in the Bible do we see worship is pleasing and focused on men?  Read Isaiah 6 and then dare to plop down again.

A period of time has elapsed but my thoughts are still on why do we allow worship to be so man-centered than God-centered?  Over the course of the past few days a thought from one of my first classes at Luther Rice came to mind – one that I believe can help with this answer.  In my Church Administration class the professor asked the following question in the first week of class: In ministry which comes first, being or doing?  This brought up a healthy debate, with interesting points on both sides.  But let’s place this question in the context of worship.

Why is it important to place the question of being vs. doing?  Can we argue that both are needed for true, authenic worship?  Well – it depends on whom you ask.  I have come to see, over the years, the fact that most people do worship (as an action) and like to be worshipped (the true man-centered worship time!).  What is the correct way to look at worship – being, doing – and in what order?

In my opinion (and I am sure this is open to debate) we must realize that true worship only comes when we first exhibit true fruits of being a Christian.  How can we hope to enter into a worship atmosphere when we do not even have an idea or distinction as to who is the object of our worship?  Only when we recognize that our relationship to God, through the grace and mercy of the death and resurrection of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, sets the stage for proper worship.  Then this brings each believer to the doing portion of the question.  Yet, we must realize that our doing is simply surrendering and submitting to the will of God.  We also must realize that today’s church loves to place a time and day stamp on worship (Come join us for worship Sundays at 11:00 am) when the true worship is done 24/7! 

Yes – Sundays are reserved for a particular purpose – which should be a celebration of God’s blessings throughout the previous week and to prepare each believer for the coming week.  I think we can all agree on that fact.  Yet many ”Christians” leave their worship at the doors to the church.  Casting Crowns, in their newest album The Altar and the Door, speak about this in the song also titled The Altar and the Door.

In my original ponderings I mentioned Isaiah 6, simply because it illustrates worship in a mighty way.  In verses 1-8 we see the being vs. doing.  Many of us could point to the common phrase Isaiah used ”Lord, Here I am, Send Me!” as doing – but I believe we can only use this after taking the entire passage in the correct context.  This scripture passage clearly illustrates being, then doing.  Isaiah is clearly shown experiencing worship before he utters this phrase.  He recognizes his place and purpose standing before the glory of God.  Each of us should realize that, in this passage, even the angels shield themselves from God’s glory. This passage then shows Isaiah as recognizing who is he as a sinner by wanting to purge himself of his sin – why?  I believe that reveled in the glory of God like a mirror Isaiah is made aware of his sin and seeks repentence.  Worship is truly recognizing who we are (being) and then what are we going to do about it (doing).

When people in our churches recognize these facts then I believe we will see true revival in the church.  If we can get past the “please me” to a “please Him” mode we will see change in personal lives and then in each of our churches.

To be or To do?  Is that the question? What are your thoughts?

God Bless, Sam.

Marching Band thoughts – Blow our Horns! A Ministry Perspective

This past weekend I had the pleasure of going to Amanda’s first marching band competition.  Amanda is a 9th grade Alto Saxophone player in the York Comprehensive High School Cougar Band (www.cougarband.com).  And, like everything else, I couldn’t sit on the sidelines and watch so I was a part of the pit crew.  What is the pit crew?  The group of men and women who make sure that when the band gets off the bus that they have everything they need and then make sure that all the pieces come together on and off the field. 

I have watched the band perform since July and Saturday marked the first time the band marched in competition.  York was in a class of 3 bands and they placed 2nd – overall they placed 6th.  Not bad for their first performance – and our pit crew actually won the pit crew award for our class as well (which means that we did not kill anyone or break anything I guess).

I marched in the band in high school – we literally and physically stunk.  We did not receive a superior rating until the next to last competition of my senior year.  That is why it is rewarding to watch Amanda and the Cougar Band place so high and look towards greater accomplishments this year.  So I have experienced the highs and lows of marching band.

As I thought about this I was reminded of a song by Casting Crowns (And Now My Lifesong Sings).  It speaks of our testimony.  You know – many of us make the statement “I have no testimony” but that is incorrect.  We have a testimony – either good or bad.  Let me use an illustration from Saturday night to explain this point.

As York was preparing to come on the field it was my responsibility to make sure 3 props (”Clouds”) were placed correctly on the field.  I then took my position behind the band as they came on the field and while they performed – so I could then run and get the props off the field (a lot of FUN!).   Well, after placing the props, I exited the field.  The band before us was leaving so I made eye contact with a few of the pit crew and band members and I simply said to them “Great Job”.  Why?  Well – they had some cool props but also because they put the same effort into their jobs as we did so why not encourage them.

Well – on the way home with Amanda, Taylor, and Britney May (Amanda’s friend from band) we got to talking about the performance and they said that a few members of the same band leaving the field made comments like “Good luck – you’ll need it”.  Sad – isn’t it!  Well – we beat them so that is OK.

Our testimony is just like this illustration – we can have a good testimony and encourage others, sharing the good news, or we can have a bad testimony and discourage others around us.  What is similiar in both – we come from the same experience. 

As believers, we who have trusted Jesus Christ and to whom the Holy Spirit resides and dwells within us, we have a choice of exhibiting a good or bad testimony. 

What do our family and friends, our co-workers, and our neighbors say is our testimony?  Do we exhibit a life that shows who we are as Christians – and, no, I am not talking about the “church house” rule.  You know, “Well – I go to church house whenever the doors are opened!”.  That’s great – but if that is our testimony then those around us will be discouraged because you don’t practice what you do at church 24/7.  We need more Monday – Saturday Christians than Sunday morning Christians. 

Is our testimony for those around us a good one or a bad one?

God Bless, Sam.

What to do? Organized Church Ponderings – Spiritual Growth

This starts a series of posts on the organized church ponderings offered by me a few weeks ago.  As I stated in the What to do? post it should be the goal of each of us to want to change and not sit back and criticize the church.

I am tired…..of watching the same people sit in the same churches week in and week out, with no visible spiritual growth at all. 

My feelings on this subject run deep, and I feel everyone should as well, because we should all be concerned about this issue.  I heard from a close friend that a couple in our church that love to play the “church emotion” game (you know – when I’m happy I’ll come but when I’m mad I will not) are giving God and the church one year to fix their problems.  Yep – they will commit to coming to church on a regular basis for one year to see if their problems can be fixed.  I couldn’t believe my ears – but maybe they have the guts to say it when no one else will. 

How many other “Christians” spiritual growth is tied to whether or not God works through their situations?  How many fully turn over their lives to God as well?

Situations like these point us towards the importance of a personal relationship with God and discipleship.  We cannot just assume that Sunday morning attendance will get us any closer in our relationship – it takes work.

Discipleship in most churches is a joke because people want the easy answers without any work.  They want the Sunday School classes that stuff their faces and serve the best coffee but never get beyond the “How are you? Fine” introductions – because it would require them to open up their personal lives.  They look for help with their children’s spiritual formation but when you have classes to help them they don’t sign up!  Sound familiar?

We need to reach beyond the pew and the Sunday School room into each person’s life to see where they are at in their spiritual growth.  Instead of offering a class, take the time to meet someone in our church at a personal level.  Find out their interests (beyond Clemson and/or Carolina) and get to know them.  I am envious of those Christians who have the gift of relating with all people – I cannot seem to start a conversation at all – it is one of my weaknesses.

How can I change?  I’ll admit that I have been too concerned in the past with ministry details that I overlooked the people around me.  We cannot assume that pouring our efforts into ministry will work unless we realize that we have to pour it into the people we minister to as well.  If we are relational with the families in our churches then we will know how to minister best!  Don’t buy the latest, greatest program but take the time to learn how ministry can work with the people.

If I can be transparent – so can each of you.  Step back, take a deep breath, and then pray about ways to affect the people in the pews.  It’s a start!

Your thoughts?

God Bless, Sam.

Growing up fast – Birthday wishes to my daughter

Yesterday was a special day – and not for the Labor Day holiday.  It marked the birthday of my daughter, Amanda – who turned 14 yrs old.

To those who do not know, Amanda is, in terms of society today, my step-daughter.  However I do not, and will not, use this term and hate the mention of it. Why?  Because on February 15, 1997 (My wedding day) and everyday since that day I have made a vow to raise Amanda as my own child and treat her as such because I firmly believe God placed her into my life as a blessing, just as he did with our two other children. 

I was first introduced to Amanda when she had just turned 3 yrs old and I started dating her mother – my wife, Cindy.   To some people they said it was an instant family – those words stung me!  Here’s a beautiful woman who I enjoyed and loved immensely and a beautiful little child who really didn’t need anyone else to love her.  She was surrounded with love from Cindy, her grandparents (Nanny and Papa), and the rest of the family.  So I wasn’t icing on the cake – but I am thankful that I have become a part of her life.

Going down the road the other night we were talking about the times the kids were born, as Amanda’s birthday approached.  I had an emptiness in my heart right then because I knew that I was not there when Amanda was born.  Several times over the years I have played the “What would’ve happened” game, trying to place myself at Amanda’s birth.  But now, after thinking about it, I am thankful for the way everything worked out.  God had a plan for our family and we followed it.  Amanda doesn’t look like me (thank the Lord – for her) but she is loved each and every day and is an important member of our family.

So, on her birthday, I thought I would share a few remembrances of Amanda these past 11 years – I know she will love me for sharing them.

Remembrances to my daughter

1.  Our wedding day – We had it planned to enchange vows with each other but to also have me make a vow to Amanda.  We even had a ring picked out.  Unfortunately, Amanda was sick and she was tired by the time the wedding rolled around.  Right before the exchange of vows she went and sat with her Papa. So, I had to walk down and knell next to her to repeat my vow – different, but it worked.  I still remember the vow and will continue to keep it until I die.

2.  The first time she said Daddy – Cindy and I did not push Amanda at all on this as we did not want to push her.  I remember a Sunday afternoon when, getting close to naptime, Amanda pushed Cindy away and wanted her daddy to play with her.  A little step – but an important one as well.  You don’t know how important words are until you anticipate hearing them from your children.

3.  Brayden’s birth – Cindy and I waited a little while so Amanda would be comfortable with the new changes.  In late 1997 Cindy became pregnant with Brayden.  We made up cute little gifts for the grandparents and included Amanda in the surprise.  All throughout the pregnancy we included Amanda in the process. We took her to the Big sister class – getting her ready for the day.  When Brayden was born Amanda was a happy sister – I still, to this day, have the photo of Amanda holding Brayden in the hospital.  Of course today they fight like cats and dogs but they still love each other (they just don’t like to show it)

4.  The day Amanda was saved – I remember it was a Wednesday afternoon and I was off so I picked Amanda up from Trinity Christian School.  I waited in the line of cars and normally Amanda would see me and let the teacher on duty know and line up to be picked up.  Something was different that day because Mrs. Carey (Carey Olson) walked Amanda to the van – different I thought.  Mrs. Carey told me something had happened that day and I anticipated bad news.  However, she shared that Amanda had asked questions that day about salvation and, after talking to Mrs. Carey, Amanda had prayed and invited Jesus into her life.  Man, what a feeling!  We even saw evidence of this in the next few days as Amanda shared her story with her cousin and she was saved.

5.  The day we shared the real news – It was a Sunday afternoon and Cindy and I had no intentions on sharing with Amanda the real news that I was not her biological father.  However, somehow in the conversation Amanda began asking questions and it came out.  We shared, through a lot of tears, the entire details and dealt with the aftermath.  In the conversation we talked about adoption and asked Amanda to make the decision.  To me, it made no difference as my relationship with her was not to her name, but to her as a person.  She did not want to go ahead and to this day and every day will remain with her name.  I would even advise her future husband to take her name (HAHA).

6.  Chandler – Cindy and I were surprised to find out she was pregnant in 2004 with another child.  We were worried as well because of the big difference in ages (Amanda was 10-11, Brayden 6-7) but we were surprised to see the joy in both of our children at the news. Amanda wanted a girl, Brayden a boy so we took both of them to the doctor to see the ultrasound (along with a few hundred other relatives it seemed).  Even with the news that it was ANOTHER boy Amanda helped Cindy and I with all of the details.  Since Chandler’s birth Amanda has done an awesome job of helping with Chandler (except the diaper changing) and we have been pleased!  Amanda has been an excellent help (except teaching Chandler to jump on the furniture).

7.  Marching Band – Amanda, since the early part of her 8th grade year, wanted to drop band.  Cindy told her not at all – I simply asked her to try marching 1 year and then we would see where to go next.  This past summer Amanda began band camp.  For 5-6 weeks straight she was at school 4-5 times a week, learning the drill.  She was even battling between a permanent and alternate position in the band.  She would come home and practice and practice.  She earned her permanent spot in the band line and is a self-proclaimed “Band Geek”.  Our family watched on August 17th as Amanda, for the first time, marched with the York band at halftime.  Amanda – I was so proud of you then because your sweat earned you that spot and you showed you belonged on that field.

8.  World Changers – Last, but not least, my move to Pine Grove came with one reward: seeing my two oldest kids going to missions and summer camp.  Cindy and Amanda participated in World Changers through the NAMB this past summer.  They, with a group from Pine Grove, drove to Norfolk, VA for this experience.  A lot of sweat and tears that week, and I had daddy duties with the boys as well, but this was a valuable lesson to Amanda.  This lesson is that we don’t have to always carry a bible to share the gospel – sometimes we can do it with a paint brush, hammer, saw, or other objects.  It’s the actions of the these teenagers who made a difference that week in the homes they were working.  I am thankful that Amanda got to go.

Amanda – There are many other remembrances that I could bring up.  The best ones are simply the day to day reminders that you are a special person.  Although we are different (you have hair – I do not) we still have many things in common and I cherish each day I have to spend with you.  It’s not fun imagining you leaving home in the next few years (although you are probably ready and packed) I hope you realize each crazy step your mother and I take are to strengthen you and your future.

Princess, on this day, realize that you have helped me to open a chapter in my life to new and exciting days.  I have enjoyed each day on the journey – and I continue to learn alot along the way.  There have been moments when I have failed miserably as a father but none of them can ever erase the lifelong joy I will feel watching you grow into a young lady.  I hope I have been a positive influence on your life and will continue to challenge you to be the best person you can be for God and for our family.

May we all take time to realize the importance of those family members around us who inspire us each and every day.  May we not treat our children as possessions, but as investments from a holy God with an intended purpose of pleasing him. 

Amanda – on this day and every day – I Love You! Daddy.

Quick update

Just a quick update. 

I have not forgotten about the site but I have been trying to get registered and start classes at Luther Rice for the Fall semester.  I am hoping to take three courses this semester: Science, World History, and Life of Christ.  The Science and History classes are general education requirements and they are not offered all the time so I am going to go ahead and take them – even though I hate science.

I haven’t forgotten about the posts on my ponderings – I am working on the first now concerning spiritual growth.   Check back soon for updates or simply subscribe to this blog and you can be alerted when I post a new message.  Click on the ‘Subscribe to Feed’ link at the top of the page.

God Bless, Sam.

An Interesting Quote

My boss at Bank of America gave me a religious quote calendar last year at Christmas.  Most of these are the common quotes : What’s missing at CHCH – U R.

However, the one for this past Saturday was interesting:

“We are called to be witnesses, not lawyers and judges.”

What do you think about it?

God Bless, Sam.

What to do?

My recent rant on the organized church and its implications raises a good question. What to do? 

If I, or anyone else, leaves their opinions and does nothing to act on their thoughts then we become just another Mad Christian.  You know, the one that everyone likes to point at like a sideshow at a county fair.  If we don’t realize our faults and then strive to change then why waste the effort to even speak out. 

Unfortunately, many Christians do this already.  They sit in their seats each day, afraid to voice any concerns or seek to change because it may cause them to act or face opposition.  It takes courage to stand up for what you believe.

Over the next few posts I will look at each of my ponderings and offer my thoughts on how to fix – but also look at myself and ways for me to affect change in today’s church.  If I don’t fix myself then who am I to ask for change in anyone else?

Maybe you have some thoughts as well.  Comment freely and let me know.  Let’s strive to impact today’s world with the best news ever – The Gospel of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  It doesn’t get any better than that!

God Bless, Sam.

The asterisk (*)

This post was originally an email sent out Thursday, August 9th. 

Ever think about how important a simple character can be?  The character I am speaking about is the asterisk (*).  I bring this up because, for all baseball fans, Barry Bonds broke the home run record this week by hitting his 756^th home run, breaking Hank Aaron’s record that stood for over 30 years.  Over the past few days one of the discussions about this record was the concern that an asterisk needed to be added to his name.  Why the asterisk? Because Bonds is being investigated for steroids use that would have greatly “helped” him have more power, in turn hitting more home runs.

My thoughts are not on the debate that will rage on about this record but it got me to think about how we, as Christians, NEED the asterisk in our daily lives as Christians.  Yes, let’s give steroids to the senior adults to see them get more work done around the church (BUMPER STICKER: Our church’s senior adults can beat up your senior adults!).  Seriously though – we need the asterisk because we need the help of the Holy Spirit in our lives daily to do what God has commanded us to do.  How many of us have, in the past or even today, chosen to do things your own way without even thinking of bringing it before God?  We have the power to do all things – only if we seek discernment and wisdom from God to do his will. 

Look at this common scripture passage:  I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me Phil. 4:13.  But also focus on a verse found in Philippians 4 in verse 9: Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you.

As you go about your daily tasks today – place your thoughts on the following question.  Do I place an asterisk by my name today because I sought God’s help and guidance today? Or is it just plain me – doing everything in my own power.  Live for God – use the knowledge and abilities he has gifted you with today to be a help to those around you.

Think about it – God Bless each of you today!

Sam